When the Shadow Lifts: Honoring Your Growth When Others Can’t See It
Finding healing, deepening faith, and holding your light with compassion
For some, they are still looking through the old lens and cannot see your new Light.
Maya Angelou says, “when you know better, you do better.” When you have lifted the veil of survivor mode, or any shadow that you have walked through, you now know better. And you start doing better, but there will be those still not seeing You. The capital “Y” is for your growth and evolution.
We are programmed in early life with the emotions that we will carry the rest of our lives. Our families, caregivers, and who we are exposed to all inform this programming 0-7 years. If you have arrived at a loving, healthy family and situation, then you grow up to be healthy, vibrant, generous and emotionally available.
However, if your experience holds more trauma, abandonment, or fear in any form, then your experience will be vastly different. You will internalize it or externalize it. Some will be programmed in survival mode and others will rebel outwardly.
For some your experience will be triggered by your pre-programming of your DNA. Some of the triggers will be deep seeded imprints that are exacerbated by your experiences in this lifetime that come from generational coding within your DNA passed down to you from your lineage.
Which for some, this catches them off guard because they do not know their lineage due to circumstances beyond their control: adoption, abandonment, and so forth. Others stay unconscious and do not know/realize there is more at play then just the current hurt.
So, here you are living life and being stumped and blocked to receive the things you desire. You dig in and learn that you have to release the shadow that is keeping you from receiving. You do the work: counseling, medical diagnosis, spiritual, energetic, holistic, etc and you have transformed your shadow aspect(s) into forgiveness, compassion and love.
Unfortunately, you are still dealing with those who have not done work or enough to see Your light; the spark of Divinity that you now hold. This will create a divide, especially if you are now able to identify what they are holding through your clearer lens.
Moving forward You will have to be the one that holds the light with those who are not there yet. Only two ways in which to help those not willing or unable to help themselves: Prayer and Support only when asked for it.
Now you are able to tap into your Divinity and connection to God that you can now wield for helping yourself and others. Also, unconsciously modeling new behaviors will help those around you. Blessings, M xo
Suggested Reading
Gibson, L. C. (2015). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents.
Malkin, C. (2016). Rethinking narcissism: The secret to recognizing and coping with narcissists. Harper Perennial.
Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing.
Tutu, D., & Tutu, M. (2014). The book of forgiving: The fourfold path for healing ourselves and our world. HarperOne.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.
Yehuda, R., & Lehrner, A. (2018). Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: Putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. World Psychiatry, 17(3), 243–257.
Zweig, C., & Abrams, J. (Eds.). (1991). Meeting the shadow: The hidden power of the dark side of human nature. J. P. Tarcher.
Start your Shadow Work here: Reclaim Yourself Healing Experience!
5 Self-Guided Practices to Move From Survival, Self-Abandonment & Confusion to Self-Trust, Clarity & Empowerment 5-video self-directed healing series to help you reclaim yourself as you heal. Watch all videos to start your journey. You can leave it there or you can join me in my monthly membership to be a part of my Group Coaching or choose 1:1 Empower Me Now package.
1. “Why You Keep Abandoning Yourself—and How to Start Choosing You Again” I teach self-abandonment, people-pleasing, over-functioning, and losing yourself in relationships. Healing exercise: Identify 3 ways they have been overriding their own needs and create a “Choose Me” commitment.
2. “Is It Intuition or Anxiety? Learn to Trust Yourself Again” This is a strong entry point into the Guidance Method™. How to distinguish fear, survival responses, anxiety, and intuitive guidance. Healing exercise: Your Intuition vs. Anxiety check-in.
3. “Break the Pattern: Why You’re Attracted to What Hurts You” Trauma patterns, emotional familiarity, attachment, explained and why knowing better doesn't always mean doing differently. Healing exercise: Map the recurring relationship pattern and identify the point where you abandon yourself.
4. “Release What Isn’t Yours: Emotional Energy, Boundaries & Detachment” Bridge the trauma-informed coaching with the energy-healing work. Focus on emotional boundaries and releasing the tendency to carry another person's emotions, expectations, or chaos. Healing exercise: Guided energetic boundary/release practice.
5. “From Survival to Self-Trust: Your Personal Healing Plan” Bring the previous lessons together. Help you identify where you are now, what needs attention, and what your next step is. Healing exercise: Create a personal Guidance Map™ for moving from survival → regulation → clarity → boundaries → empowered action.
You don't have to heal alone!
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